Oh lord, August already? Why must time be so cruel.
I try to live every day for what it is but that plan always seems to go out the window when there's something coming up. Whether it's good or bad makes no difference. It's still hard to focus on what's around you when you're preoccupied with the future. Like now, for instance. I'm excited for the road trip with my mom and siblings, so much so that I'm just letting the days before it slide by. We want these days of anticipation to fly by, but once the event is over with it feels like Where did the last month go? On the other hand I'm also nearing the end of my summer break, at which I will face the last semester of my last year in school. And after that...the vast nothingness of real life.
I don't know why, but the closer I get to graduation the more I envision myself afterward in an encompassing barren desert. I just peer out into the dry, flat landscape as an ominous, purple dusk approaches me. It just makes me feel so small and alone but still makes my heart race because it's a beautiful sight! Liberation. I can reach out into the horizon and declare, "All of that is mine now." I know I'm silly for thinking I am alone because there are so many people who got my back. I don't think it will all be as tough as I anticipate but still... I got the jitters. Thems are some mighty big dollar signs I owe. Grandma, my what big loans you have!
Money is the least important thing in the universe. Maybe it flows through the veins of society but beyond that... The grass beneath your feet, the air in your lungs, the moon that keeps you on this planet: what the hell do they care about money? I can walk into my vast desert of anxiety with a knife in my pocket and not a cent to my name, nothing so trivial will stand in my way.
